


youth

by doyoungified



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Coming of Age, Drama, Friends With Benefits, Idol Verse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, top!jungwoo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 15:08:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13883439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doyoungified/pseuds/doyoungified
Summary: When Jungwoo meets Doyoung he realizes nothing will ever feel like home again.





	1. ` Prologue.

**Author's Note:**

> warning: internalized homophobia, struggling with acceptance, friends with benefits, and explicit sex. starts around limitless era but the prologue is right before nct u's debut.

Jungwoo wasn't asking for much. He never did. When he was a child he never wrote out Christmas wish lists, he never bugged his mother for snacks from the supermarket, and other than getting accepted into the company of his dreams he never prayed for anything for himself. He'd like to think of himself as selfless, and many of his close companions would describe him as such. He never had an ache to desire something that caused energy or opinions from other people aside from his career.

He never knew he could want anything more than to be an idol. He never thought he'd one day wish he never decided to be in the public eye. He never for a second thought that he would want to destroy everything six-year old him wanted. All the work he had done up to this point seemed futile, and a complete blur, once he was introduced to one of his future band members. 

And _God_ , did he want that man.

The male stood before him, shining, with a smile so bright it looked like he ate the sun. A huge group of them were lined up side by side, with all very distinct faces and features, but Jungwoo couldn't take his eyes off of that one person. He'd seen them all around the company building before, but rarely up close like this. Even standing still seemed like a hard task for Jungwoo at that point. He was completely, and utterly enamored.

Names were being called but they were being drowned out. Everything was moving in slow motion. 

He had no intention of looking away or even trying to mask how starstruck he was when the angel started talking. His mouth went heavy, tongue nearly begging to drop and unravel onto the floor like a dog being introduced to a new favorite squeaky toy. Enchanted would be an understatement. 

"I'm Doyoung," the god spoke. His voice was sweeter than Jungwoo could imagine, filling his chest with too many emotions to count. The other male spoke slowly and deliberately, accentuating pink rosebud lips, and pretty teeth. "I hope to see you all join us later on. You'll work hard, right?"

There was a resounding "yes!" from the crowd of trainees, all excited to know that they would ultimately be on the other side of the room someday giving these speeches. Doyoung tipped his little head back and laughed heartily at the response, clearly joyed to see that everyone was onboard. It was then that Doyoung shifted his body to look down the opposing line up of younger boys, scanning through their faces. Jungwoo held his breath when the ginger stopped at him, and he swore the room was beginning to spin. 

The older man looked at him for a few more seconds before his hand slid around a tinier male's wrist, turning his head so that his lips were covered by the silver's ear. Taeyong - if Jungwoo remembered his name right - looked like he was listening and he nodded once, lightly shaking off the grip on his hand to wrap his arm around Doyoung's hip, both of their eyes meeting Jungwoo's. The shorter man gave him a grin of something curt before letting go of Doyoung, turning his attention back to the instructor.

The redhead's doe eyes flitted over Jungwoo's tall stature without a drop of shame. Making no attempts at being discreet, Doyoung let out a gentle sigh as he tore his gaze away from the younger boy to lean on Taeyong again, feigning fatigue. Jungwoo doesn't realize how much time has passed until it's Doyoung turn to say the last words. 

"We've been where you all are standing. We understand how much work you're putting in," Doyoung says, eyes twinkling. "If you ever need someone to talk to, we're here for you."

" _Ooooh_ ," came a unified response. They all sounded like a bunch of army brats. There's bustling from both sides of Jungwoo, the guys nearly fanboying over the man's flowery words. Jungwoo's lip tips up into a small grin and he finds himself chuckling as well.

"You can't do this alone." Doyoung's eyes soften when they pass Jungwoo. "Everybody needs someone."

It felt personal. The younger boy lifts his head to agree with the rest of his fellow trainees but that's as far as he can get before getting lost in those deep, almond eyes again. His chest swells. Doyoung is looking straight at him now, holding up a fist mouthing a swift "fighting!" and Jungwoo is struggling to find his dying breath.

Jungwoo would argue that his true story begins then: the day a tall, heartbreakingly beautiful male steps into the training room. In reality, it starts when that man steps out. 


	2. ` One.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm v honestly putting my whole ass soul into jungwoo right now i'm so Sorry My Friends......

Life doesn't care how long it's been. It doesn't care what road you choose to walk on. It will send you obstacles, blockages, and some times light. The good thing about being young is that you don't understand the concept of what isn't possible. You have the bravery to knock on every door that intrigues you. You have the luxury of time, of being able to wait on something.

There are moments in your life that define who you are, and for Jungwoo, all those moments are just fragmented snips of Doyoung smiling back at him. That smile alone reminds Jungwoo of everything. It's like how certain scents can transport you back into your childhood, or tastes can bring you to different countries in an instant. But with that smile, Jungwoo remembers who he is, and who he's meant to be.

When Doyoung smiles at him, he realizes that life is not just a string of observations. It's much more than that. Every moment is felt, just not at the same level of significance. There are things that will make your heart race, and make it stop completely. To be able to understand and know the heavy weight of being a human, to live in a world where your story is just one among billions, is the reason you exist. 

Jungwoo doesn't care to define what he feels. Maybe he does care, but he can't articulate it enough for someone to feel the weight of it. It's not just a fleeting love, but something that sets each and every one of his cells ablaze. And he's burning, crumbling, but he wouldn't want it any other way.

 

 

The very last lick of his youth comes when the members are all sitting in a circle on the floor of their dorm. It's the celebration of their Limitless comeback and everyone is drowning in soda and fast food. Kun is lighting up the candles on the cake while Chenle and Donghyuck run up and down the length of their living room. He hears Doyoung laugh before he can physically see it.

He doesn't like this feeling. He was too happy, too comfortable with the prospect of that boy one day being his. He was unrightfully taking pride in the fact that Doyoung was beautiful and thriving. But deep down he thinks he needs to feel it. 

It was in that moment where he knew he couldn't let his life slip by. 

There were so many people, so many lives that would never be graced with Doyoung's love and affection. Jungwoo almost feels sorry for indulging in the man's aura in the absence of the rest of the world. To know that there were people born in the same lifetime, yet would never cross paths with him, was a blessing and a curse. But then grief turns into something much different. His soul begins to ache at the thought of all the sides he missed, and all the people he'll never be. There were moments when Doyoung wasn't part of his life, when he was interacting with other people, out there living. How do others see Doyoung? How can they pass him by without being completely enraptured? What was their secret?

"- _woo_?"

When Doyoung says his name he decides he doesn't want to hear it any other way. He sees his name circling, rotating around the back of the boy's lips and he hopes it lives there forever. He hopes that he can taste those seven letters on the boy's tongue, and that anyone that comes close to kissing him can feel his presence behind pearly whites.

"Jungwoo?" Doyoung calls out again. His concern shows in his eyebrows. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Jungwoo replies simply. If he speaks any longer he's sure that flowers will bloom from the pit of his mouth. "I'm alright."

He's okay. He's more than fine. Basking in the light of Doyoung's halo, he feels like he's coming home.

 

 

The older boys' appearance in the Rookie dorm was nothing out of the usual. They had claimed once that their dorm was way too crowded with all the members packed in it and the Rookies had the luxury of only living amongst three people. None of them minded, quite enjoying the presence of more of their friends sparking up the dorm. Plus, the louder members seemed to help keep Lucas under control.

" _Ooooohmmm_..."

Kun and Yuta are exchanging glances between sips of freshly brewed tea. Lucas is positioned on the floor in front of them, criss-cross applesauce with his hands resembling perfect emojis, thumbs and pointer fingers touching. They want to question him but they quickly decide against it once the boy opens his mouth.

"My yoga instructor told me to not be obsessed with worldly things," Lucas announces in between obnoxious hums.

"Is that right," Yuta replies dryly. "And what did he say about your online ordering addiction?"

At the accusation Lucas' body visibly freezes, fingers nearly collapsing under the pressure. " _Ooohmmm_..." His left eye peers open for a split second and he can see the disbelief in Yuta's expression, snapping his eye shut to resume his holy murmurs. He clears his throat, voice deeper than usual, "I must cleanse myself."

Like clockwork, Jungwoo shuffles out of his room with a nest for hair. Doyoung doesn't need to turn around to know that the boy is coming his way, already aware of the drowsy smile that's going to grace his path. He works on untying the plastic bags. Their steaming orders of kimchi stew travels through the kitchen once he rips the lids off of them, attempting to set the table.

Arms slither around the middle of his torso. He can feel Jungwoo's cheek on his shoulder blade, the puppy nuzzling his face into his hoodie. The boy is warm from his bed. 

"Good morning," Doyoung says absently. He's calculating how much rice each member consumes, scooping generous piles of it into bowls. "Did you brush yet?"

The head shakes against his back. "Tired."

"Stinky," Doyoung says quickly.

"Hungry," Jungwoo refutes.

Doyoung is rounding out the last bowl of rice when Taeyong makes his way into the kitchen. The other has his hoodie up on his head with the strings tied tightly, stomping around in bunny slippers that he most likely stole from Donghyuck before coming over. He doesn't disturb them, clumsily finding his way around the room, jostling glassware in the background.

"I think you're the dirtiest boy in this dorm," Doyoung says when he moves to rest the bowls on their mats, noticing how Jungwoo sticks to him like a koala.

There's a deep chuckle right next to his ear and he flinches. "You wanna find out?"

Despite blushing cheeks, Doyoung immediately turns to send him a threatening glare. Jungwoo surrenders just as quickly by holding his hands up. He moonwalks into the hallway but not before blowing Doyoung a kiss. This wasn't the end. Once one pup left his side, another joined in the form of a familiar rapper. 

"Mama," Taeyong says in a tone resembling a baby. He shakes his body yet the bowl in his hands holds steady. "Mama, feed me."

Doyoung's lips rip into a smile and he places a single piece of tofu in his possession to which Taeyong gobbles up immediately. His actions get more intense, almost breaking out into a full dance for some extra food. Doyoung doesn't want to give in so easily, but the scene is garnering attention, and soon enough three more boys are lining up to give him a show.

"Just sit down," Doyoung chides. An attempt at picking up the tray filled with sloshing bowls of soup goes awry as the grown men whisk it from him. 

Jungwoo joins them soon after, rubbing a towel into his damp head of hair. He looks presentable and not a second goes by before he's sharing a seat with Doyoung, taking up just a corner of the chair. He should have known better than to leave the room when breakfast was being served because now he was left with scraps. His chopsticks quickly moved over Taeyong's bowl to steal a round fishcake puck, chowing down.

The legs of Taeyong's seat screech when he jumps up, feeling wronged. "That's mine!"

Jungwoo only gives a megawatt eye smile in return. His hands are stickier now, reaching over the entire table to stab one of his sticks into Lucas' fried dumpling. It enters his mouth as quickly as it is swallowed.

"That's not cool, man," Lucas groans.

"I'm an equal opportunist," Jungwoo says sweetly. He nearly chokes on his food when he sees Yuta placing his bowl in his lap, away from sight. "I won't do it again! Promise."

"You all ate so much and then made poor Jungwoo into a villain," Doyoung scolds after sitting back. He pulls Jungwoo's head into his chest, pointing his spoon at the other men around the table. "He needs food just as much as you do. Isn't that right, Woo?"

Jungwoo has to swallow his shit-eating grin when he sees Lucas glaring at him from across the way. Before he was allowed to be uncomfortable from the stare, he was being fed, being forced to stretch his mouth open to accommodate about two helpings of meat. He makes sure to look right at Lucas, showing just how much he's enjoying the special care. Lucas responds by making gagging motions, large hands coming up to faux strangle himself. Jungwoo snorted boyishly. As he chewed, Doyoung was beginning to heap rice into his bowl, emptying leftovers from plates into it as well.

"You won't gain any muscle if you don't finish this," the older man informs.

"Why don't you take care of me like that?" Kun questions.

Baffled, Doyoung tilts his head. "You seem to be serving yourself quite fine."

Lucas sounds like a dying raccoon when he laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jungwoo is like the "heart eyes mfucker" vine personified in this fic. the following chapter will be longer but i just need to set up a few base chapters before we get rolling into the Real Sh*t. please please please let me know how you feel abt this!!!
> 
> twt: @doyoungified

**Author's Note:**

> will be a sloooo oo ow burn fic. lots of ups and downs. realistic in terms of idol life/standards. a deeper, and heavier rendition of my dojae fic "gravity" :-)


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